Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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