am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
