Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
