Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
