Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
