dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize