I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
