She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
