1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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