He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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