You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
