Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
