Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
