Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
