im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
