if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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