Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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