I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
