Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize