This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
