There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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