I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
