it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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