i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
