Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
