There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Acid is not a monday night drug
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
