At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
