I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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