atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
