Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
