I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I love you. Go after that dick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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