yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
