Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
