I'm so fucking centered right now
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
