Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my poor anus
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize