Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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