my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
