I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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