laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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