a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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