So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Don't make out with my wife yet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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