dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
