Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
