Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
