ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
