matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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