I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
