Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
