Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
