is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
