I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize