Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
