Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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