i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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