Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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