I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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