I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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