ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
