Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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