playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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