Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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