Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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