everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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