Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize