New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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